The Answer Guy Trap

"I'm sick of being the answer guy. And I'm betting you are too."

Yesterday, I mentioned that Kevin said something in our conversation that hit me:

"I'm sick of the answer guys. I'm sick of being one. I'm sick of playing the Answer Guy within community, within the world, within churches. I'm sick of that."

I felt it in my bones. Because for years, that's exactly who I tried to be.

The Perpetual Motion Machine Myth

Kevin brought up something profound: "Our society pretends like there is such a thing as a perpetual motion machine, and until it collapses, we have no idea whatsoever that it's just false."

We've built our entire expert culture on this myth – that if we just have the right answers, the right systems, the right frameworks, everything will run forever without friction.

But here's the truth: There is no perpetual motion machine.

Not in physics. Not in business. Not in life.

Everything requires constant energy, attention, and adaptation. Everything involves friction. Everything eventually needs to be reimagined, not just fixed.

But what do we do instead? We keep looking for the perfect answer that will make it all run smoothly forever.

Why do we do this?

We're so afraid of being wrong that we pretend we can't be.

The problem is that the answer guy always creates dependency. People need you for the next answer, the next solution, the next framework. You become their perpetual motion machine – until you break down.

This is true across many helping professions – chiropractors, therapists, ministries, even churches. We'll tell you, we want to get you to freedom... but what's happening there?

But when this perpetual motion machine collapses, where do we go?"

This is the moment of truth. When:

• Your framework fails

• Your system breaks

• Your answer is wrong

• Your expertise isn't enough

Many of us double down. We create a more complex framework. A better system. A smarter answer. A better image. A better mentor. Another book.

But what if the breakdown is the breakthrough?

Kevin has taken a radically different approach to helping others:: "What I commit to you is walking with you through whatever comes in community."

Not solving. Not fixing. Not having the perfect framework. Just walking alongside.

Wisdom isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about:

• Knowing which questions to ask

• Creating space for collective wisdom

• Recognizing patterns without forcing solutions

• Being present to what is, not just what should be

• Walking with people through complexity

Kevin beautifully described it as finding the oasis in the desert. "What if there were people around that oasis who said, 'No, just take a little bit. Wet this rag. Put it on your neck, put it on your forehead, cool down.'"

That's wisdom – knowing how to help people survive the journey, not pretending there is no journey.

This is the place of freedom and rest. When you stop trying to be everyone's perpetual motion machine:

• You get to be human

• Others get to contribute their wisdom

• Solutions emerge rather than being imposed

• Relationships deepen beyond transaction

• You discover rather than just dispense

Most importantly, you get to stop pretending that you can create a perfect existence. Because the friction is where the growth happens. The breakdown is where the breakthrough lives.

P.S. This article was written based on a conversation with Kevin David Kridner, a spiritual director and author. This is as much his work as mine.