The Valley of the Shadow of Death: Why the Desert Isn't Your Enemy

Yesterday, I shared about glass-shattering events – those moments when everything you believed stops working. Today, I want to talk about what comes next.

The valley.

You know the one. Where the old peak is behind you, barely visible. The new mountain ahead is hidden in clouds. And you're stuck in this godforsaken middle place where nothing makes sense anymore.

Most people think the valley is punishment. They're wrong.

The valley is a classroom.

Here's what drives me crazy: The moment you enter your valley, the armchair Sherpas appear.

You can spot these people. They've never actually been in the valley, but they're experts on it. They stand on their comfortable peaks, looking down, dispensing advice:

• "Just stay positive!"

• "Everything happens for a reason!"

• "God won't give you more than you can handle!"

• "Have you tried this 5-step system?"

• "You need to manifest abundance!"

They're selling you a map to a place they've never been.

Meanwhile, you're in the desert, rationing water, learning which shadows offer shade, discovering that the monsters you feared were mostly in your head.

And some were real.

After walking through my own valleys and from my friend Kevin who’s sat with hundreds of others in theirs, here's what I've learned:

1. The valley strips you bare. No pretense survives the desert. Your ego dies of thirst first. Your carefully constructed image gets sandblasted away. What's left is just... you.

2. Avoiding pain creates more suffering. Every shortcut around the valley leads to a cliff. Every attempt to numb the experience just delays the lesson. The only way out is through.

3. The desert has its own wisdom. You learn to live with less. To find water in unexpected places. To be grateful for small shade. To keep walking when you can't see the path.

In our "crush it" culture, the valley is the ultimate failure. It's where:

• Your productivity tanks

• Your metrics don't matter

• Your five-year plan becomes irrelevant

• Your success strategies stop working

We've been programmed to believe that if we're not climbing, we're dying.

But what if the valley isn't a detour from your path? What if it IS your path?

You need an experienced guide.

Unlike the armchair Sherpas, experienced guides have sand in their shoes. They've got sun-damaged skin and stories that don't always end well.

They won't promise you'll love the valley. They won't pretend it's easy. But they'll tell you something the armchair Sherpas never will:

"I'm still here. And so will you be."

They know that:

• Sometimes you sit down in the dark and cry

• Sometimes you take the wrong path and have to backtrack

• Sometimes you run out of water before you find the oasis

• Sometimes the valley lasts years, not months

And somehow, that's exactly what you need to hear.

Every religious tradition, every business guru, every self-help system promises a quick exit from the valley:

• "Declare victory and claim your blessing!"

• "Implement this system and scale out of struggle!"

• "Follow these steps and transform your pain!"

But here's what they won't tell you: The people selling quick exits are terrified of the valley themselves.

They're not evil. They're just scared. And their fear is contagious.

If you can resist the siren song of the quick exit, the valley will teach you things the peaks never could:

• Humility – You can't positive-think your way out of reality

• Patience – Some transformations can't be rushed

• Discernment – You learn who your real friends are

• Resilience – Not the motivational poster kind, the real kind

• Compassion – For yourself and others stumbling in the dark

Here's what’s heartbreaking: So many of us hide our valley experiences like they're something to be ashamed of.

We put on our game face. We post the highlight reel. We say we're "pivoting" or "exploring new opportunities" or "taking a sabbatical."

Meanwhile, we're dying inside, convinced we're the only ones struggling. What if your valley story is exactly what someone else needs to hear?

Not the version with the bow on top. Not the testimony where everything works out perfectly. The real version. Where you're still figuring it out. Where the ending isn't written yet.

The valley has one unexpected gift: It shows you who your people really are.

Not the fair-weather friends who disappear when success does. Not the networking contacts who stop returning calls. Not the people who need you to be okay so they can feel okay.

Your people are the ones who:

• Sit with you in the dark without trying to fix you

• Share their own valley stories without one-upping yours

• Check in months later when everyone else has moved on

• Don't need you to hurry up and heal

These people are rare. Treasure them.

Because here's the secret they know that the armchair Sherpas don't know:

The valley changes you in ways the peaks never could.

The CEO who lost everything and found his soul. The pastor who left the ministry and discovered faith. The entrepreneur who went bankrupt and learned what wealth really means.

They'll all tell you the same thing: They wouldn't go back. Not because the valley was fun. But because who they became in the valley was worth it.

If you're reading this from your own valley, here's what I want you to know:

1. You're not lost – You're being refined

2. You're not alone – Even when it feels like it

3. You're not failing – You're becoming

4. You don't have to pretend – Not here, not with us

The valley isn't trying to break you. It's trying to remake you.

But only if you'll let it.

P.S. My weekend posts are inspired from conversations with my friend Kevin Kridner, who’s done more to help me navigate dark seasons than anyone I know.